someone get that fucking seahorse.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
