Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
