My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
