would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
