he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
