He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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