I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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