Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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