So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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