I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize