My nipple is on Facebook.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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