I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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