I must be too annoying 4 u.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
