If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
