OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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