the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
