Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
