I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
