a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
