At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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