hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize