nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
