i just wanna soil my oats bro
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
