Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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