dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
