And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
