Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
