Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
