sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
