Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
