The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
