how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
