he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
