It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
