When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
