my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize