turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
