DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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