dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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