You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
