Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
