i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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