I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
