I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
These tits shall not be calmed
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