You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I love having hate sex.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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