Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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