OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
barbara walters just said penis...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
