so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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