so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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