Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
