Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
