oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
