Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
