I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
