She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
