Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
