so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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