those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
