i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
