so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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