So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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