This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm passing your future prison.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
