he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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