It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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