She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
