ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
