There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize