My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
