normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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