Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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