hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
well you can't waste a boner
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
