we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
